Good obituary for the Repub Party, RIP....

Age: 162

Aliases: Grand Old Party, GOP, Party of “No,” Party of Lincoln [archaic]

b. February 28, 1854, Ripon Wisconsin

d. July 2016, Cleveland, Ohio

Causes of death:

Ingestion of large quantities of a slow-acting flesh-eating bacterium, Racism americanesis, beginning in the 1960s, weakened the party, sapped it of its principles, caused its heart to deteriorate, raised its blood pressure to extremely dangerous levels, and left it with only white blood cells—a condition that initially seemed to strengthen it, but ultimately left it with no resistance to a virulent disease that struck it in the summer of 2015 and precipitated its death a year later.

Survivors:

The Republican Party was preceded in death by its maternal grandparents, Abolitionism and Reconstruction; its paternal grandparents, Greed and Tariffs; its parents, Isolationism and McCarthyism; and a brother named Watergate. The Party is survived by several wealthy uncles, including Charles Koch of Wichita, David Koch of New York, and Sheldon Adelson of Las Vegas; an adopted brother, the National Rifle Association, of Fairfax, Virginia; an inconsolable stepson, The National Review, and a child born to it out of wedlock, the Libertarian Party, current whereabouts unknown. Other survivors include two daughters, Deregulation and No New Taxes; two sons, Concentration Of Wealth and War In Iraq, Jr. It is widely believed that W.I. Iraq, Jr., sired a bastard granddaughter of the Republican Party. Her name is Isis.
In lieu of flowers, mourners are asked to send as much money as possible to their favorite billionaire.